Why I ditched My Journal
I’ve been a writer for most of my life. In fact, I’ve always had a knack for writing, so when it was suggested that I begin journaling, I figured that it would be an easy way to get my thoughts out and talk to God. Over the years I filled many pages with frank thoughts and questions to God. The good, the bad and the super ugly. My innermost secrets can be found in my journals, and for quite some time, journaling was sufficient. It provided me with the release that I thought I needed. But then one day, I got stuck. And I’m not talking about “speed bump” stuck, but rather, “Mt. Everest” stuck! It became very hard for me to journal, and I couldn’t figure out why I had reached this perceived roadblock. At times, I even felt guilty because I couldn’t journal with the same zeal and eagerness that I once had.
So I’m sure you’re asking, “What changed?”
Simple. I had outgrown the place where I merely wanted to tell God all about my issues. Instead, I wanted to hear from Him before an issue even arose and I certainly wanted hear from Him more clearly. I wanted to genuinely know Him. So, I grabbed my pen, and I traded in my little teal journal for a clunky 1 ½ inch 3-ring binder (a pink one to be exact). I sat down with my Bible and other study tools (Logos 6, Exegetical Guide) and I began to exegete scripture. “Exegete” is a term derived from the Greek word ἐξηγητής (exēgētḗs) 1; it means to expound or interpret (a text, particularly scripture). I’ll be the first to admit that I was initially intimidated by this process. I questioned my intelligence. I questioned my ability to stay consistent. I questioned everything! But even in my questioning, I knew that I’d remain stuck unless I got down to the true, unadulterated Word of God.
Truth be told, I had had enough of writing endless journal entries and then guesstimating what God was saying to me by relying on what I felt or thought. I needed clear-cut answers and the only way to get those answers is through diligent and intense study of God’s Word. I’m not saying that God can’t speak to an individual directly. If He has done it before, He is fully capable of doing it again. However, allow me to pose a simple question. How many times have you thought God “told” you to do something and later on you began to question yourself on whether you really heard God clearly? Perhaps it was your own heart deceiving you? Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV) says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” The word “heart” (Hebrew לֵ֖ב / lēb) is translated to denote, “heart; one’s inner self; inclination, disposition, determination, courage, will, intention, consideration, and reason.”2 So essentially, this scripture is illustrating to us that our inclination (or any of the aforementioned words) is deceitful. In the following verse (Jer. 17:10), we learn that ONLY God can search our hearts and test our inmost being. And this can clearly be done through deeply studying God’s Word and seeking answers and truth through Him. His Word tests our thoughts, inclinations, dispositions, etc. His Word is clear, concise, infallible and much more reliable than any conjecture we could ever create.
All in all, I’d say that ditching my journal has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Although I do not believe that journaling is a completely invaluable thing, I do believe that it can become destructive and counterproductive for us because it often causes us to approach God with our own conception of Him, instead of deeply studying scripture to truly understand who He is. We cannot allow our worldview to thwart the character of God any longer. We should desire to see Him and know Him in His fullness through scripture (His Word). And, never will we know God more intimately and authentically than when we recklessly abandon ourselves in the pages of His Living Word. Sisters, if you truly want to get closer to God, then seek to know Him personally through His Word.
2 Brown, F., Driver, S. R., & Briggs, C. A. (1977). Enhanced Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon (p. 522). Oxford: Clarendon Press. (Retrieved from Logos 6.13).